


Don't go, don't go so easy

by saxophonesandcuesticks



Series: Tales of a Junktown Jerky lover [2]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Dom/sub, Domestic, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Subdrop, Subspace, this has been a WIP for aWHILE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24401788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saxophonesandcuesticks/pseuds/saxophonesandcuesticks
Summary: "Don't go, don't go so easyDon't go, don't go and leave meDon't go, don't go so easyDon't go, goSo can I call you tonight?I'm trying to make up my mindJust how I feelCould you tell me what's real?I hear your voice on the phoneNow I'm no longer aloneJust how I feelCould you tell me what's real anymore?'Cause I wouldn't know...."-Can I Call you Tonight, Dayglow
Relationships: John Hancock/Female Sole Survivor, implied Preston Garvey/Piper Wright
Series: Tales of a Junktown Jerky lover [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1351693
Kudos: 14





	Don't go, don't go so easy

**Author's Note:**

> Posting from mobile devices is a pain in my ass. But, I love writing from the POV of Sad, Lovestruck Boys™.
> 
> More Tessa/Hancock cause i love them, and this song struck as perfect inspo for John's side of things during Institutionalized. And as always, no beta for me lmao

It took days, but with the help of the Minutemen, Tessa was able to build the massive teleporter, and Hancock was terrified. His sunshine was headed straight into the jaws of the Commonwealth Boogeyman.

But he hadn't even told her he loved her yet.

That whole night before her "trip", he couldn't sleep. Even with her amazing snuggling after their first time actually making love, his mind wouldn't stop racing. For the first time in years, he was stupid close to having a panic attack, but he didn't want to worry her. She didn't need that stress on top of her own worries. Shit, _she_ was the one going on the monstrous machine, not him. 

But......at the same time, neither one knew if she was going to make it back alive. That's why he made love to her. Because he was to fucking chicken to say it out loud. He'd fallen hard for her emerald green eyes, her wild orange hair, her curves ( _shit_ , her _curves_ kept him awake many a night before they got together), and above all, her heart. Tessa righted a lot of wrongs in the Commonwealth, and lit up his life better than his own jet formula. She was so damn special, and she _chose_ him. Out of every one of her companions, _he_ was the one she chose. But yet, he couldn't bring himself to confess his love? What kind of ass-backwards shit was he on??? Hancock sure as hell didn't know, but he wasn't about to fuck it up. He _couldn't_. He would trip over himself and complicate his shit further.

The next day was spent in prep. Tess was in serious mode, lest her nerves and panic get the better of her. At least, that's what John saw. Her movements were jerky, eyes focused and yet, unfocused. He'd been with her long enough to recognize the panic induced mania behaviors she got when under heavy, and sometimes terrifying stress. When she finally got a break after lunch, she disappeared into her home and he followed after, finding her on their bed, rocking with her head in her hands and taking extremely shaky and quiet breaths. "Tess, breathe for me Sunshine. I'm here now." He cooed in a soft voice as he sat down beside her, rubbing her back with a textured hand. Instantly, she started evening out, the shakes calming. "Good girl. Have you eaten or drunk something today?"

"No. Haven't thought to. Been too busy."

_Shit_ . She's _really_ not doing good. When her replies get short, she's pissed, or she's on emotion overload, and he'll bet his entire fucking stash that it's the latter. "Let's fix that. You still have that salt cured Brahmin meat that Daisy sent you? I can make a steak or two for us. Maybe some veggie stew."

"Yeah, in the icebox. Don't want stew."

Hancock nodded, "Alright. I'm thinking something warm will help, do you want one of your teas?"

"Bloodleaf an' Tarberry."

"You got it Sunshine." He hummed, turning on Diamond City radio, and letting Billie Holliday fill the uneasy silence as he sat to work making food for them, thankful that Tess had rigged up a stove. At some point, after she'd had her tea, Tess had fallen asleep, taking a nap she desperately needed, and John heard a metallic knock on the door. "Come on in Nicky."

"Hey John. How is she?" The synth asked, sitting in one of the table chairs, looking toward Tess.

"She's........not good. I came in less than two hours ago and she was shaking real bad before I got her calm. Hadn't eaten since dinner last night, and I wanted to remedy that."

"Jesus. Gal's gonna run herself ragged."

"Yeah. But neither one of us are lookin forward to her stepping on that damn platform. Her for what's on the other side, me for if I don't get her back. Haven't even brought myself to say those damn 3 words. Been too much of a fuckin coward to say it." If Hancock had been shoving the steaks a bit roughly as he spoke, Nick didn't say anything on it, and Hancock silently thanked the powers that be for it.

"It's a big jump. But I've seen how she looks at you. She gets this, lovestruck look every time she sees you when you aren't lookin. And you do the same thing with her. I don't think that plunge is as deep as you think it is."

The ghoul stopped moving in thought, "My god I'm dumb."

"And there's the lightbulb. But I wouldn't say dumb. You're more scared than anything. It's like being on a cliff and scared to jump into the ocean. You're not very high, but the perspective you've got makes it seem that way."

"Shit Nicky, you'd give a ghoul a run for his money. Almost worse than the Pistol Packin Mama herself."

Nick laughed, "John, you should know by now she prefers the bigger guns. And her rifle."

"Did Nicky Valentine, great synth detective just drop a dirty joke?" Hancock sounded playfully shocked, turning around and clutching his make believe pearls. Nick honest to god laughed, "Careful Hancock, don't wanna make your gal _too_ jealous."

"C'mon Nicky, you know Tess sees you as somethin closer than family."

"I don't wanna intrude on what you two have goin on."

"I personally don't see it that way, and neither does she. Maybe once this shit is all said an' done, we can have a chat, yeah?"

"Maybe John. We'll see. I want her to make it back first."

"These steaks are done anyhow. And I need to make sure she eats at least something......."

"Hancock."

"Yeah Nick?"

"She's gonna make it."

"I.....I really hope so Nicky. I really hope so. Don’t know what I’d do with myself if she was gone.”

-:-:-:-:-

Tess perked up at the smell of food, stretching out her sore limbs with a yawn, and John hummed at the sight, “Lookit you Sunshine, I must still be dreamin.” he cooed, bringing over the tray and kissing her forehead. She smiled, pulling him in for a lazy kiss. “Mmh, I needed that nap.”

“I know you did Sunshine. You’re runnin’ yourself ragged out there today. Don’t want you hurtin yourself before you......” He stopped, leaving the ‘go’ unspoken. John couldn’t bring himself to do it. Couldn’t admit that she was going to leave his side for an undetermined amount of time. He wanted her to be by his side, or go with her into the jaws of hell, because he’d rather die with her than without her. As dramatic as that was, it’s how he felt.

“John...” she murmured, setting the tray down, and pulling him close to her body, and he couldn’t help himself. His hands clung to her like a lifeline and the floodgates broke, allowing him to cry into her shoulder. “Oh John.....” she murmured, her own hands clinging to him and her own tears added to his chest, the both of them terrified about the vast unknown uncertainty that awaited her. 

"T-tess....." He sobbed, unable to let go as the torrent of emotions he was feeling were let loose at the simple contact. As much as he hated crying, he needed this. Hopefully he'd let out enough tears to keep him from going on a bender and he'd just sleep while she was gone. 

Once he was done he still clung to her, sniffling lightly and only pulling away to pull the tray closer so they could eat, both of them hating the limited time they had together before she stepped on the goddamned platform. They ate in silence, save for the occasional sniffle and tentative kiss.

All too soon, it came time for her to go, and John couldn’t be anymore terrified. He watched her step onto the platform, and everything seemed to go in slow motion, and he hadn’t even taken any jet at all. He could barely make out the words Sturges was saying, his eyes were wide with terror as tubing came apart, and right as time sped back up, he saw her toss something at him, and he felt himself speak, “Tessa! I love-” and like that, there was a blinding flash of blue, and she was gone. “You.....” Looking down, he picked up the item, which was.......her old wedding ring...... She gave that to him??? God he was so fucking stupid.

So.

Fucking.

Stupid.

-:-:-:-

Day 1

The first day was hell for him. He was restless, antsy, but he couldn’t bring himself to go back to Goodneighbor in case she came home. He made himself useful about the settlement, tending crops, going on patrols, and helping Sturges and Nick board up some of the houses, things of that sort. By the time dinner rolled around, John made a small plate for himself and retired to the shack he’d helped Tess build, and it had turned into his home away from home of sorts. A place of laughter, a place to get back to how he used to live, a place of.......love.

He shook his head, attempting to chase the thoughts out of his head. Thinking of her would only lead him down a dark road, and he didn’t want to traverse that path, not when he’d been doing so damn good, and it was all for her. He wasn’t about to fuck that up now.

Night fell, and he offered to help take watches in case she’d miraculously appear. While he knew it wouldn’t be so soon, John was still hopeful. Just in case his Sunshine came home.

  
  


Day 2

He hadn’t slept the night before, and the entire day had been spent doing idle work around Sanctuary, not that he even remembered what all he did. Tonight he'd been dozing lightly as he was on watch, was the only bit of shut-eye he got. His emotions and insomnia were going haywire, so he was way jumpier than normal, which is really saying something. 

“Hancock.”

“Yeah Nicky?”

“How you holdin’ up there kid?”

“I’m just peachy Nicky.”

“Bullshit. I know you’ve been awake almost all night, and I figure you could use a friendly ear to hear you out.”

“What do you want to say Nick? That I’m worried fucking sick about her? That I’m terrified she won’t make it home? That I never even got to tell her that I love her?”

“Working yourself ragged ain’t gonna do you any good. I know she wouldn’t want you doing that to yourself. You need sleep, and the lack of it won’t do very well with her when she comes home to see you like this.”

Hancock growled and threw his gun to the side. “I don’t know what to do with myself Nick. She’s not here where I can help protect her, and make sure she’s okay. I don’t want to take any chems to help me sleep because I’ve been mostly clean, and it’s all been for her. And she didn’t even _ask_ me to do it. I _wanted_ to Nick............I wanted to do that for her so I’d live longer.”

“Jesus, you really went all in for her.”

“Fuck yeah I did Nick! I love her so goddamn much and I can’t even bring myself to fucking tell her!” he snarled, pacing back and forth, downright furious with himself at his cowardice. “I nearly told her I loved her, but I was a fraction of a fucking second too late. But, she threw this at me before she disappeared.” He sighed, showing Nick the ring. 

“This one matches the one around her neck........”

“That one that was on the bloody popsicle when she left that goddamn icebox. This one is hers.”

“Something to remember her by.....”

“Yeah. That’s why I’m so goddamn worried for her. I don’t want her to fucking die where I can’t rescue her. That’s what I’m afraid of.......She went into this, expecting to die. I know her Nick. And god, I can’t fucking _live_ with myself if she doesn’t come home.”

“Shit......She’s really done it this time....”

In a fit, Hancock kicked the nearby trash can, sending it a good few feet forward with a snarl. “ _That’s_ why I’m so goddamn restless Nick.”

“Need someone to wait up with you?”

John stopped in his track, looking over at the old synth, “Y-yeah. Could use the company.”

So the entire night, they sat at the guard post, talking very little, but Hancock enjoyed the company. Helped keep his mind off _her_.

  
  
  
  
  


Day 3

Come sunrise on the 3rd day, there was still no sign of her, and Hancock was scared shitless. He was panicking almost every hour, and the only thing keeping him sane was a holotape of her singing she'd made for him on one of the occasions he'd had to go back to Goodneighbor and would be without her for a few days, and Nick, on the off chance the synth was there to be able to talk to him. The ghoul paced almost hourly, terrified of what might become of her. If he'd have to go fighting his way to her dead body or not. 

Time passed like tarberry honey, and John was so fucking stir crazy, it wasnt even funny. Come nightfall, his terror-induced insomnia was so fucking bad, he couldn't sleep. Until....

Until he heard lightning-like crack outside the shack late that night, and he bolted out, clad in only boxers to see what was up, and if she was home. He saw her on the ground, nearly doubled over and ready to puke up her guts. "NICK!" He cried, running over to help her. Valentine followed suit, the two men carefully hoisting her to her feet and getting her inside the shack.

Once inside, he heard her tell-tale sniffling, and John directed the two to the small living room she'd made, so they could set her on the couch. Nick handed her a nearby bucket, and the smell of straight bile reached Hancock's nose as she puked into it. He went and grabbed a bit of fabric and a washcloth to tie her hair back and gently wipe her face clean.

Hancock sat on the coffee table in front of her taking her hand in his, "Tess, tell me what happened Sunshine." 

His concern spiked when that only seemed to make her cry harder, “We’re here doll.” Nick murmured, sitting to her left, rubbing her back gently. “Let it out Sunshine. We’re here when you’re ready to talk.” She only cried harder at that, openly sobbing into her hands, and Hancock found himself dumbstruck at the whole thing. Just what the everloving hell happened in there? He was ready to move heaven, hell, and earth to get those Institute bastards, but, he needed to know her story first.

When her sobs died down, Tessa’s voice was soft, quiet and utterly broken as she spoke, “They.......they took Shaun sixty years ago..... He- He’s their Father, an’ he.............he runs the whole goddamn Institute....”

“You’re fuckin kidding me.”

“Jesus tits. The Institute really fucking is a load of assholes thar don’t give a shit about anyone but their own gain.” Hancock growled. “And I swear to fuck, if Garvey tries send you to go rescue a settlement after _that_ massive bombshell? I’m kicking his ass. Don’t care how nice he is.”

“As odd as this is, I’m gonna have to agree with Hancock on that note. Preston will have to go with a few Minutemen himself to save them. You need time to process everything.”

“No, I can’t abandon my duties as the Minutemen General just because I saw things I never thought I’d see.”

“Sunshine, do you even hear yourself? You sound ridiculous right now. At least take two days, for me. Please?” 

Tess sighed, sniffling and wiping her runny nose with a handkerchief. “Okay.” she sighed, rubbing her temples. “I......really need a nap. Haven’t been able to sleep in days, and I had way too close of a call with an assaultron in an old lab that I’d been snooping around in. Luckily I had plenty of stimpacks, but still. I found out they’d been doing a top secret experiment with Super Mutants, and it was crazy.”

“An assaultron? Guarding an old lab? They really are a bucket of nutjobs.”

“Yeah they are nick. Yeah they are. Now, It’s 4am according to my pipboy, and I.....need a nap. Nick, will you stand guard so John and I can go to bed?”

“Of course doll. I’ll turn anyone away lookin’ for you.”

“Thank you Nick, I really appreciate it, and I owe you.” And with that, the two lovebirds went upstairs and fell into their shared bed once she’d shed her clothes. 

“Hancock?” she asked softly, placing her head on his bare chest. 

“Yeah Sunshine?”

“You were saying something when I left, what was it?”

_Shit_. “I....I was sayin’ I love you Sunshine.”

“Oh thank god.”

Wait, _what_? “Tess?”

“Hancock, I love you so goddamn much it’s not even funny. And I left the ring for a reason.”

“Sunshine, you never cease to amaze me. I fuckin mean it.”

They curled up in the bed, and with her relaxed state, more tears fell, silent, but this time, they were filled with relief and happiness of being home with her lover. John felt them hit his chest and gently, he rubbed her back until they both finally, finally got the rest they needed.

-:-:-:-:-:-

The next morning, Hancock was being gently roused from his slumber with gentle kisses to his bare body, starting from his neck and going lower. He figured Tess had no idea he was awake, so he kept his eyes closed and let his cock take subtle interest as she worked him over.

Soft hands pulled his boxers down enough that she could pull him out of them, and she continued placing kisses on it until her lips wrapped around the head and took him into her mouth, sucking gently. His body responded, sending more blood where it needed to be _right this fucking second_ and getting him harder as she lazily worked him with her absolutely _sinful_ mouth. John knew she was distracting herself, it's one of the things that he came to learn in their time together. She would distract herself like this to get her mind to focus on the now, rather than all the "terrifying shit in her head" as she'd put it. Sensory things were a huge way to ground her, and it let her fall gently into an easy, pliant headspace where John could gently break her in delicious ways before putting her back together.

At some point she was simply lazily sucking his cock and making soft, breathy noises, even going as far as to just pause with it fully in her mouth, slowly working her tongue against his textured flesh. He could smell her playing with herself, no intent to cum yet, just letting herself give into impulses. John yawned and opened his eyes, "Morning babygirl. Do you just want Daddy today? Cause you make a real pretty picture right now and I'd love to help."

Her response? A low moan that damn near vibrated his dick and making him hiss. "C'mon baby, make Daddy cum and I'll give you a treat." Tess perked up at that, and started working him over a bit faster, paying attention to his sensitive spots, especially his glans where she'd just suck on it and the head, making him groan, spurring both her _and_ her noises on. “That’s it Sunshine, keep it going...” he groaned, gently petting her hair as she worked her magic.

A couple moments later, she found a particularly sensitive ridge with her tongue that caused his hips to buck on their own, and Tess gasped, and tested the spot again, recreating the buck his hips made, and her eyes widened in realization of what she found. The vaultie then let his cock slide out of her mouth, causing Hancock a raised brow in curiosity, but she then wrapped her lips around the spot and sucked, which in turn, made the Ghoul let out a heated moan, and his hips bucked once more.

“Sh-shit baby......d-don’t stop....” he groaned, his hands tangling in her hair and grabbing hard as she almost doubled her efforts to make him cum.

A few moments later, he found his peak, and fell over it, flooding her mouth with lazy thrusts and punctuated groans. He swore he blacked out for a brief bit as Tessa milked him dry, damn near purring as his softening dick slid out of her mouth and a soft cheek nuzzled against his thigh. “Damn Sunshine.....” he rasped, “That’s a five star wakeup if I’ve ever had one."

Her reply was a hum, and a kiss to his thigh. She was about knee deep in subspace and not very verbal at the moment. Once she was in deep enough, she'd start asking, er, well, begging for more. "C'mere Princess, come sit on Daddy's face." John purred, watching the color gently rise to her cheeks. Months of them being together, and she was _still_ shy about sitting on his face, even though the ghoul _thoroughly_ enjoyed being sandwiched between her generous thighs that made so many want to sin.

Slowly, she climbed up over him, being careful around his still-sensitive member, and shyly straddled his face. John breathed in her earthy scent, placing his hands on her thighs to keep her from moving too much, and licked a broad stripe up between her folds. "So fucking wet and delicious Sunshine~" he growled as she whined and slightly rocked her hips, which spurred him on to utterly _devour_ her whole.

Breathy moans and gasps accompanied each pass of his tongue, and a high, sharp cry followed each time he sucked at her pearl. In all honesty, she sounded like music to his ears, or, what he had left of them.

Right as he was getting into an easy rhythm of his own, a hard, pounding knock resonated through the house and Tessa _froze_ . And John was _livid_ . He helped her to climb off, wrapping her in blankets to try and help ease the sudden and unwanted drop so he could quickly deal with whoever the _fuck_ was _still pounding on their door_.

Storming downstairs, with his coat wrapped tightly around his body, he flung open the door with an almost feral snarl, to find a very spooked Preston _fucking_ Garvey. " _What in the ever-loving_ **_fuck_ ** _do you want Garvey?_ " He spat in the Minuteman's face, cracking his knuckles to emphasize the fact that he was about to throttle the man. 

"Heard the General w-was back......" He stammered, trying to remain calm, despite almost shaking in his boots, "And-"

" _No._ Tess is dealing with a massive bombshell, and her head ain't in the right space to even deal with anyone beyond myself, or Nick. And right now? She's having a very sudden drop, and feeling like shit. You give her time to recover, let her come to you. And look man, I respect the Minutemen. Tess brought you guys back from the brink. But you need to take some others to the settlements in need for the time being. You feel me brother?"

Preston could only nod. 

"Thank you. If you wanna know what a Drop is, go ask your girl Piper." And with that, John shut the door a _little_ too rough, then ran back upstairs to deal with a shaking, teary, not-very-verbal General. To be very fair, he and Piper hadn't actually fucked, but the two swapped stories late one night over drinks, and his suspicions were confirmed when she admitted she was a switch. And Danny Sullivan was an old flame of hers who was a sub.

As quick as he could, John made it to Tessa's side, "Oh Sunshine.....c'mere doll." He murmured, pulling her close with ease. "D-Daddy.....wasn't here......w-worried....." His heart ached with every word she quietly sobbed. He absolutely hated being away from her for any amount of time, no matter how short it was when she dropped but he wasn't about to risk Preston seeing her in such a vulnerable state. He didn't trust the man enough. Respected him sure, but not trust. The only ones he trusted with her like this were Piper and Nick. Piper, cause she knew what she was doing, and Nick because he, Tess, and John were about as thick as thieves. And shit, he was still a bit iffy about Piper cause he didn't know her too well. 

A metallic knock sounded on the door about forty-some-odd minutes later. "Speak of the synth, and he shall appear." Hancock murmured to himself, before calling out to the gumshoe that they were upstairs. Familiar footfalls came up the steps and Nick spoke quietly, "Heard what happened from Piper, and she gave me a rundown. Tess doin' okay?"

John sighed and shook his head, "Not really. Got the shakes to calm, but the floodgates refuse to close completely."

She perked slightly at the new voice from her blanket burrito, "....Nicky?" Tess asked quietly, not saying much else. "Yeah, it's me Doll. Want me to join?" Nick asked, shedding his coat, tie, shoes, and holster. Tessa nodded, and John was thankful that they fixed up an old, large bed frame big enough for two mattresses. "Nicky's safe." She murmured, much to the confusion of the older synth.

"She means that you're safe enough for her to be around in this kind of state. She trusts you that much, and I do too."

Nick smiled, "It's good to know she trusts me that much. But I do have to ask, what is a Drop? Piper gave me scant details."

"So, to kind of explain, when Tess an' I "play" she gets this....far off, floaty feeling called Subspace, and it's almost like a jet high. Difference is, with a chem high, you don't have to be under sharp supervision. Especially if we play rough, cause she wanted pain, subspace cuts off pain receptors, and she can unknowingly push herself too far. I gotta keep a close eye on her in those cases cause her brain can drop out of it at any time, and the world comes crashing back to her in not-so-fun ways, causing Subdrop. Subdrop is pretty similar to _really_ bad chem withdrawal. She shakes, her higher functions go down the tubes, she goes a bit feral, and her skin sometimes gets sensitive to the point of painful for her. She won't say when that happens, so I've taken to wrapping her in a blanket every time she drops."

"And Preston showed up right in the middle."

"Bingo."

The blanket burrito curled up between them let out a small growl at the mention of Preston, causing both men to grin. "We know Doll, you're not quite a fan of his. But he's not here, I am." 

"A nap usually sorts her out, gives her body a chance to chill out, and I think hearing someone else familiar to her calmed her eyes. Not hearing as many sniffles now. Once she's come back, let's have that chat you and I talked about, yeah?"

"Maybe. Let's get a nap in first."


End file.
